How to Cope With Grief, Loss, and Anxiety After the Los Angeles Fires
To that end, experts say not to ignore, bury, or resist the messy mix of emotions that may arise. “Allow yourself to feel your emotions,” says Closson. “What you are feeling is a natural response to unexpected loss.”
And, remember that not everyone copes the same way. “There is no one ‘right’ way to process,” Closson adds. “Recognize that many of the emotions you are currently experiencing are normal given the devastation you have experienced and/or witnessed.”
Don’t rush healing
Along those same lines, it’s also necessary to acknowledge that grief is a process. Despite our desire for immediate relief, healing usually occurs on a continuum—and feelings of fear, anxiety, grief, helplessness, shock, and disbelief will continue to emerge over time. “These emotions can occur months or even years afterward,” Closson says. “You need to give yourself time to grieve—and this will not happen overnight.”
Furthermore, situations like setting up a new home, buying another wardrobe, or the sight of a fire truck can all trigger an onslaught of memories and emotion down the line. “These emotions can be unpredictable and emerge suddenly, even after an individual feels like they are starting to heal,” Gorter adds. “Don’t try to suppress your emotions or tell yourself that your response is unnatural.” And, remember: Even the most uncomfortable emotions are temporary, as difficult as that can be to sometimes believe.
Establish a sense of safety
In the meantime, rebuilding a sense of safety is crucial. “Trauma disrupts our sense of security and predictability,” notes Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Janet Bayramyan of Road to Wellness Therapy. “By creating even small anchors of safety, you can reduce overwhelming stress and provide a foundation for long-term healing.”
Rebuilding that sense of safety can be as simple as leaning into a single daily ritual—like a morning coffee or daily gratitude journaling—or engaging in a comforting routine. Participating in rituals and routine has been shown to provide solace against anxiety and grief.
“Maintaining routines, if possible, helps to maintain a sense of normalcy and control,” explains Elreacy Dock, a certified grief educator and thanatologist. “Due to the amount of disruption involved in emergencies like this, that can be difficult, so starting one or two new routines in the interim is another option. Focus on what can be done in the present moment to achieve a greater sense of stability—even if it’s something small.”
Practice deep self-care
Ultimately, the goal is to reconnect with your sense of self—the self who exists beyond external circumstances. “It is not just about loss in the sense of material belongings; the grief is also about the disconnection and distance from self identity,” explains author and grief researcher Jock Brocas. “In order to heal from this trauma, you must become reconnected to who you are. From that connection, you can rebuild that which is external.”
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